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Meditating on the light

I was surfing the web in search for some christian sites today.Its very spiritually refreshing to find devotionals and articles that talk about life and emotions from a christian/Godly centered perspective.God-filled advice is the most filling advice of all.And that is because it doesnt leave it up to your own strenght to flly solve it.Yes,there are things wehave to change but the christian/God-focused perspective allow us to know that we can fully give it it to him and work with him on His strenght to make things better.So I no longer feel weary cause the advice is a simple to do or a judgement.God-centered advice replenishe the soul and redirects.

Here are some bible and christian quotes I wanted to share cause I found them so inspiring :

“Faithful is he who has called you. He also will do it.” (I Thessalonians 5:24)

Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.

Philippians 4:8

The following one hit me very personally as Im praying about the ailments mentioned there and what she says it so true.

“Learning to be “others-centered” is a massive cure for any type of ailment...love-sickness, single-sickness, depression or anything else. For it is when we take our eyes off our own inadequacies and losses that we are truly able to be used for others. And as we are used to help others, our pain slowly goes away. (You can’t focus on two things at once!!)”

- Melodious Echo

The media makes us so self-focused if we let it we can spend all day,and i mean ALL DAY thinking about our problems and overworrying about our flaws.It sounds ridiculous but when living in a city its all were bombarded with it and we forget to focus on jesus who will restore the balance lost =D

“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30 KJV)

“One of the keys to being fulfilled and content is to be others-centered. It is hard for me to think about myself when I meet a family living in a mud hut that has no food to eat and no bed to sleep in. It is hard for me to think about my dreams when I am comforting a child who has just lost her mother to AIDS. It is hard for me to think about my desires when I live with 75 orphans who know the pain of rejection and abandonment.”

- Karris Hudson

Blessings <3


Developing Habits

The good ones are something i need to work on.Today our Church was talking about transformation.Theres some good habits Ive been trying to keep going longer than a few weeks but the moment I take a break and stop doing them I revert back to the old times.For example,I want to practice instruments everyday to keep my skills strong but sometimes I let my emotions affect my mood more than it should and then I skip a day...

I need to pray and fast more because my future depends on how strong my skills can become to get me a job which I need to help my family who is living of coupons.

After and during this past situation I went through I was confronted with feelings of loneliness.Through prayer God has been restoring me and I feel so ..healthy now =D.I dont want that big hole of solitude to come back.But some of the anxiety remains which has made me ridiculously hungry lol

Anyway back to the good habits.Good habits can help with our transformation as we seek to leave both the emotional and the pphysical past behind.Some people reorganize their homes,get a new hobby or seek even more spiritual fullfillment than before.And this anxiety Ive been feeling has to do with the fact that I want to express myself and share my growth to keep myself accountable.So I want to blog more frequently as itll help keep myself in check and maybe organize myself better.

Seeking God everyday and growing in faith is a habit that I want to strenghten.Depite my failings His love has become more real to me than before.I guess through difficulty we see the inmensity of his mercy and love.
And thats something to share and be grateful for.


Testimony cause God is all i need

God's promises are like the stars: the darker the night, the
brighter they shine.

-- David Nicholas

Ive been going through experiences I had never gone through before in the last few months.Im taking classes to get baptized and begin a new level as a christian.And of course ive been attacked but ive been so able to see God's presence through it all.Despite my faults he remains faithful,in my loneliness he is there.And no matter how many times I fall he catches me and helps me reach a new level.The fears and insecurities that used to torment me are finally subsiding.Im more confident now,im stronger in Him.

I have waited for a long time(more than 10 years) for my love story to begin.I havent been good at waiting but Ive never been in a relationship.So as a testimony,the moment I felt the wait could finally be over I jumped at the chance.U know how Spiderman or some similar super hero jumps through buildings? yes,thats what I did,emotionally and spiritually.But I jumped badly and at the wrong thing so I ended breaking more limbs than with a happier heart.

I tell it like a metaphor because the real details are too difficult to explain.It was something that like a web entraped me and when I tried to break away I was too emotionaly compromised.Yes,I shouldve known better.But am I flawless? no.I wanted to know what it was like to be cherished to be truly part of someones life.To feel I wasnt so physically alone in this world.I wanted for someone to look at me and not say I was beautiful because they saw a cute girl but because they saw also an attractive woman.I wanted to be part of those ridiculously corny things every couple goes through.I wanted to hold someones hand and have it feel right.I wanted to feel like I could finally trust a man.

And I started having dreams,very strange dreams of darkness surrounding him.ANd cyniscism took hold on me.And everything slowly crashed and burned.And God was left sitting next to me looking at my freshly borken heart.

My brother in Christ calls me a perfeccionist because although I wanted and needed help the situation was so complex i didnt want people ,even christians to condemn me.And delaying in looking for help made things even worse.Theres an evil,sinful pride that takes hold of you
and then theres the shame u gotta fight off in Christ so that u can get up again.After the event I was left feeling heavily lonelier than before but yet I knew God was trying to reach out to me.His love for me unchanged.

Because if theres anything Ive learned is that no one can keep from fallin 100% of the time.That God doesnt leave,never.Peter the apostle was sure he wouldnt fail God and he betrayed him.

God didn leave me and for that I needed to write this post.Because yes,im not perfect.Yes as I learn I will fall.I still have a long way to go but God didnt let that get in the way of his love for me.And that just deepens my understanding of his love.He found people to help me out and he has placed an unexplainable feeling in me that things will get better.Changes will come,growth will come but I also can rejoice in the trial because the blessing will be worth it.

His LOVE has delivered me and shown me that he can truly fill up all my loneliness with his love.That HE can make me smile again when no one else can.That His love will continue revealing itself as more and more real every single day.

So this tragedy has helped me believe and know personally that He is all I need.There's redemption for me,forgiveness and His LOVE.I have finally a hope worth waiting for.

Praise You God.


Only Connect ..w God

Today in church we did this fun dynamic were we would talk about ourselves in third person to the person next to us listing our good qualities as though we were introducing ourselves to someone else.The thing is at first it was hard to list our good qualities cause of us as christians have a pretty good time remembering each flaw.And when we were done "introducing our good qualities to the other person" our pastor told us tht she did it because she wanted us to remember the good things God had placed in us,the light that were supposed to let shine instead of living in condemnation.

After the disconnecting week I was faced w some very challenging truths and areas in which i desperately needed God to work with.I hid behind my hobbies but the pain only grew bigger.The good news is in Christ there is healing.And I am far from flawless so Ive been falling but I want Him to help me up.I dont wanna quit.The earthquake in Haiti also woke me up to the reality of how much were truly blesed by God.It couldve been us.

Being disconnected makes us realize how much we rely on things,our bad habits,how we sometimes live by routines that arent productive and how although we grow in some areas its easy to get distracted and slide down on others.So dsconnecting everynow and then is so essential and helpful.But its also so helpful when we connect with God more each passing day.We are nothing without him.

I wanna ask for a small prayer request.I have to do a set of paintings and I would love for God to inspire me so that the paintings can carry his message somehow.He gave me that gift and dream for a reason...i hope I can honor him w it as well as w the music.

God bless all

God's gift to us is who we are and our gift to God is who we


Musings on disconnecting from the media ..

By chance(or maybe it was meant to be.i think so) I happened upon an article in Relevant Magazine,a now online christian magazine on disconnecting ourselves from the overwhelming media infuence were surrounded.To girls like me who live on the city,who check the news,use facebookmyspace watch tv listen to music im highly aware of the currents worldliness going on.In the article which I link at the end of the post ,the author decides to turn off the tv,sign off on facebook and other social media,turn off the internet except of work email and stay disconnected for a week in which instead of doing her usual she would concentrate on spending more time seeking God.She decided to do this on the ealization that all this media had turned her life into a meaningless routine and she didnt spend enough time with God.That week for her was lifechanging and painful.But in the seventh day she felt closer to God than she had in a long time.

Through her testimony I was confronted.Being so up to date,so connected ,disconnects us slowly from what truly matters.Advertising is always telling us there is something material we "lack" to make us better in every way possible.The world is focusing its sights in seemingly humble but empty philosophies.Society gives off standards and with ot without realizing it we follow them,When we dont uphold we feel guilty when those standards mean nthin to God.Because those standards are a facade of appearances that dont nourish the soul.That dont make us better in Christ image.

To be honest and since this is related..Ive had an ongoing struggle w some mild form of depression for basically my whole life.When I became christian I began to heal and God began fixing my perceptions of some things but I always arrive at a point where I find myself lost.See for years Ive struggled w comiitment to one thing ,Ive always found it hard to believe fully in my capacity and most of all in having a purpose when sometimes all I see is hardship and not a clear road to my life.I wonder..who does God want me to be? and sometimes I ask but Im afraid of the answer.Im afraid his answer will change everything.But I need it.

And when I was reading the aricle I remembered that on church while praying God had given the same though "Disconnect".It seems so painful because disconnecting is wrapping myself in silence for a few days and I live alone so its heavy.I eat while watching the tv for company and all.But I also realize that out of love God cant let us stay the same way.And I really need the change.Because I know Ill keep getting lost unless I get the direction I need from Him.And so Ill take off for seven days.

Ill keep a journal and Ill get back in a few days.God bless any reader.

Connecting by Disconnecting - How a week without the media can change a life


First Day

This past few days I've been studying this art method that teaches you how to improve learning skills by improving your ability to perceive things.It has a lot scientific,brain background and all.But the truth that it guides itself is that sometimes we see but we dont notice details ,key details that if properly seen could help us give life and accuracy to an image because they are the base of it.Capturing the essence of a person in an image is being able to catch those details accurately.

That truth however doesnt just apply to drawing,it applies to life too.Sometimes God needs us to see with new eyes,sometimes if we learn to see more with His perspective and less w our biased judgements we can see clearer pictures.And with it comes mastering the one lesson we might be stuck with at any moment of our lives. Like the eagles which fly so high from their point of view problems just look so small.Like that.

God is the master artist after all.

On the drawing thing,I love drawing people but mastering it has challenged me to see and appreciate his creation in a whole new way.So many details but im moving forward.Well see =)

this is my instrument,the one I talked about in the last post.I've wanted to learn to play it since I was like 13 or so but its really hard to find a teacher around here.Since im a music major when the opportunity to make this dream came along I had the preparation to take it on yay.This is the violoncello:


it has a beautiful melodic sound.I like the violin but the violin is too highpitched (no offense to violinist) meanwhile this can be a bit of both (deep,mellow sound but it can also do high pitch) so of the violin family this one is perfect for me.

Learning..is step by step


2010 is coming! A new Dawn BREAKS

Im glad 2009 is leaving us.It has been a year of ups and downs but it has also been a very blessed year.As always God is the brightest light,I thank Him for everything.I have so much room to grow but Ive seen myself evolve and other too in the right direction.

I hope 2010 is full of awesomenes but the tests that im sure will come ,I hope they help me grow fast,not slowly because I hate long tests LOL

2009 Year in Review : Wow How Much Has HappenedCollapse )

Later Ill post some pics.I hope in 2010 I can journal more.Its therapeutic. =D


Quote of the day

A man may study because his brain is hungry for knowledge, even
Bible knowledge. But he prays because his soul is hungry for

-- Leonard Ravenhill

In the Silence...

I have so many emotions running through me.I feel like im in a carousel,at least my heart.But I think ive been afraid to live for far too long.And I dont wanna wake up to the same realities.May God help me... I just need to experience new things..need to feel like life is more than just work and the eternal burden of responsibility...

I've noticed a few signs of aging that are favorable though.God has given me more understanding of things I was in the dark about before.He blesses me w new opportunities and challenges for growth..I think he wants me to be a teacher.And I think through that he will sculpt me into the person he wants me to be..To top it off ,ore people are getting saved..finally our youth group is filling up..its refreshing to see,I hope they remain.I hope those who left come back..some of them were like the family I never had and it hurts me to see them the way some of them are now.Trapped in some vice or other.. =(


On better news Ive been drawing again.It has been therapeutic and praise the Lord im moving forward musically.must show off photos of my musical baby(the cello) soon =D after wanting it for over 5 years i finally received the opportunity to learn. =D


One year later...

I was chatting with my youth pastor and she brought up something that I hadnt stopped to think about.She talked about how we spend so much time focusing over our future career that we spend most of our youth doing something that's not for God or for blessing others with His message .A couple years ago it used to be that you got a bachelor degree and that meant job opportunities.Now Doctoral degrees are the new bachelor degrees.Our education costs are rising with the advantages and need of resources and technology.Our education begins since we are very little extending itself throughout our lives and If we ever stop to look for the mirror for a second we have become professionals,maybe human beings but not always better christians.When God speaks of eternal life it is indeed owerful and touching but some of us make our whole lives about something else:the aquiscition of power.Because isnt knowledge power?

And hereby if we count how much time we spent with God in our lives its significantly lower than the tiem we spent on tv or studying for those crazy finals.I think thats why as the times progress God is calling a lot of youth to him.So that we wont make that mistake.

Its like a gigantic gravitational pull between two things.

I personally have had this in my mind for a while ever since she told me.I take on 7 classes per semester ,over 20 extracurriclar activities,+ sleep hours when I cant take it anymore and then theres church twice a week and homework in the remaining hours coupled with house chores.Its an extreme schedule and after 4 years of it I find myself a tad exhausted specially when despite all my overachievng I feel directionless.

Its something to think about.Its not something that can be done in a day but it requires constancy..the beginning of ..What did I do for God today?

Im slowly learning.. God bless.