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Burden

Theres this thing I hold inside ,it haunts my mind,my memories and my dreams.Its called regret I guess.I try to change the present yet I feel burdened by what I could not change before.And I cant stop wondering what-if.How would that reality had been if things had been different? would it be better? would the inevitable ending change?

Sometimes you go through events,relationships or situations that you know wont last forever.You feel it in your heart a clock is ticking.You know it wont work out even if you want to.Often its not about fatalism or having a wrong attitude as it is knowing thats not the person for you.Your heart wants them but alas your heart is being carried away.When the timer goes off and it ends at first you experience closure.I remember feeling free and surprised at the same time.I could not imagine a world in which he did not exist I assumed Id see him again..that down the road wed find ourselves some place better.He made me feel emotionally burdened and confused at the end..but he was also a friend,there were so many good moments.He always took care of me when I was ill.Despite our fights he always came through when I needed him.So I felt free as one often does when your emotions arent controlling you anymore..When the anxiety that often accompanied seeing him is gone.I slept better ,I felt relieeved and not seeing him for a while felt.."right"?

And on came his birthday in which it felt so wrong not to call him when he had remembered mine,and one ,two,three..five months passed by.It became as though he had never existed.I wouldnt see him by accident anywhere.I would look out for his car,which was an old model on the streets and would find so many similar ones but never his.I found myself missing him but I also found myself unable to keep everything that tied me to him.The letters I had held so close to my heart now only brought me pain as they no longer seemed to hold any truth,reading them brought back crushed hopes,questions that I could no longer ask..So I took each one and tore it apart.It was another form of closure.

It was the questions..that brought him back to my mind.And the what ifs.What if things had been different..would he have stayed in my life longer?.What if we had remained only friends?What if I had given a better testimony would that have made any difference at all? What if those letters had never been written? and so many other questions.My logic,my friends,some browsings at psychology books gave me answers but they werent satisfying.The truth was he was damaged in a more profund way that I was and two damaged people dont go together unless they both aspire to healing. I'vee been healing slowly throughout the years and I aspire to being fully healed.I do believe that your past doesnt have to define your future.I believe in forgiveness for choosing hatred can only destroy the one who feels it rather than the one who deserves it.I believe in fighting for hope.But he doesnt believe in any of those things.I remind myself of that every day.


So you might ask ..then why the burden? Well,he was also my friend.And as much as the conviction of making the right choice gives me strenght I cannot change the fact that I miss him.That maybe in vain I will always hope and pray that he does change his mind,that he allows himself to have a better life than the one he has.But that the heart is messy and that he sneaks in to my dreams maybe because my subconcious is not ready to let him go.A part of me seeks to hold on to those memories .That I want to do what Dom does to Mal at the end of Inception ..I want to let him go.For in time my memories of him will become shadows of who he was..

Missing him,dreaming of what-ifs that will never be was my secret.I didnt admit it to anyone until today.But i express it as a means to let it go..to no longer feel pressured by that.I've had my closure so what else can I hope for?

I do not know.I pray in time this remaining feeling will fade.But I do hope I get to see him again one day even if it it is from afar just to know he's okay and hopefully happier.I wish him happiness no matter where he is...I wish him redemption. And one day this wont be a burden anymore.I choose to let go until I finally do.

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God's gifts are better

I saw this beautiful quote and had to repost it.Its from a preacher but its oh so true about God's promises.


"Don't stop dreaming,don't stop believing,dont become a copy of no one.If God said it was meant for you,it will be for you,If God said he'd give it to you,God will give it to you.God will keep his promises.God is strenghening you until the promise that He has made for you comes to pass." - Arnaldo Gines


"No dejen de soñar, no dejen de creer,
no dejen de ser ustedes en el proceso, no se conviertan en una copia de
nadie. Si Dios dijo que era para ti, será para ti, si Dios te dijo que
te lo daría, Dios te lo dará, Dios cumplirá lo que ha prometido. Dios
hoy está fortaleciéndote hasta el cumplimiento de la promesa que Él ...ha
hecho sobre tu vida."
----
Arnaldo Gines

flawed

If it wasnt for his Perfect Love..I dont wanna know where id be.I have a long road of growth ahead of me...

Thought of the day:

God does not comfort us to make us feel comfortable; He comforts us so that we can become comforters.


God is good.when? ALL THE TIME
Praise Him

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Our country recently suffered through a big earthquake scare.It was 5.8 in Richter Scale(scary but not destructive) and some very trustworth people have had dreams in which God is revealing the coming of a real Earthquake.Many churches all over the country are receiving the message in different ways.Early this year so many cities around the world have suffered through horrible high scale earthquakes.But ours is coming for a reason.God loves but my country has deviated from him,rebelled against him and supported amoral things.Would God remain silent forever on the matter ? No.

Im grateful that he has warned us but sad for whats to come.However the scare was enough to confront many of us with the way we have been living our lives.Our world has an obsesion with materialism and obsessive consumption.It loves fashion and trends.Some of us focus on fitting a trend,being accepted,tolerating the untolerable and our relationships with people.But wheres the focus on God.Our lives are perishable,in a second everything we have we could lose.But we can never lose God.God should be our everything and making treasures in heaven as the bible says ought to be priority above all.

Its hard to disconnect from the world these days but all of this has brought me closer to God.I dont easily believe everything Im told but I know in my heart that God will deliver justice and a revival unlike any other will come from it.I just ask for prayer for our little island Puerto Rico I ask so that people can be saved and will answer God's call.That as a country we finally unite in God Jesus. So that as the following says ...

2 Chronicles 7:14 (New International Version)

14 if my people, who are called by my name,
will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways,
then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin
and will heal their land.


will come true.

God Bless u All

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Its been very crazy lately.God's provision however has carried me through it all.I've been getting a lot of design + art commissions but they have been so many I havent been able to rest properly or give it my best.I also need to study music more for the final courses of music.

God has been so good to me and I havent been able to post here enough to share it.But he has transformed my loneliness into peace.Its hard to explain but before when I was in a very dysunctional relationship I felt very very alone when he wasnt around and ever since I ended it and prayed for restoration God has given a peace and understanding bigger than the one I had before.I feel like im on a new level of knowing his everlasting LOVE.Throughout this situation he provided blessing by bringing into my life a sister in Christ who has been awesome helping me cope and re-adjust.God bless her!I always dreamed of having a real sister not the occasional friend who acted sisterly and God has finally provided her.God has promised to give me a family and I know in His perfect time he will :D

I have so many dreams to work on but its very therapeutic for me to write out loud.
In this new chapter of my life Ive started weeding out bad habits Praise the Lord and Ive seen myself moving forward.Im gonna post my art here soon because I keep saying it but i never do it LOL .SO I owe that .I changed the layout because I can never keep the same stuff up for too long.It stresses me out.Dunno why.

I also have a Christian Book Reccomendation.



completely his
Completely His by Shannon Ethridge
She' a christian author whom God delivered from an unheatlthy view of relationships,intimacy and sexuality.She minister to young adults across the USA about these issues,God's plan for us women and how to deal in a Godly way with overcoming them and growing in God.

Her series Completely His is about growing closer and developing a relationship with God not just a religion.She shares her powerful testimony and how God can ransform our way of seing things into a Biblical view and how its very possible to fall in love with God so he can prepares us mind,body and spirit for our future husband and for eternal life w God.

The first book is very honest ,detailed and makes you consider many things in a whole new way.It talks about how we feel and about how God feels about us but is so much more.Its full of provision for a christian woman yearning more from God.

The other book are about his Blessings,His Forgivenessand they have a workbook like style too so its a book that can be enjoyed throughly.

4 stars!!



God bless you all.Ill be back with more stories sometime soon

God is beautiful

Not that I have seen his face but I have felt his blessing more than ever.I have much to share,much to do and much to be grateful to God for.Finally I feel like Im growing in Him.
God is so good.Which is why Im reposting this Psalm it has touched me deeply and it might for you too.


Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]

2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-

10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."


Amen =) Blessings!

your heart ..in the right place

How tricky that one part of ourselves is.It can induce euphoria or some serious sadness.Yet God can take over it and still it into acting righteusly.Theres quotes on the bible about all that it means to have that one heart.For one,if its poisoned..itll come out when we speak.What we treasure is where our heart is.Our heart,our emotions are necesary to give and receive love properly... and so much more.

I think everything God does for us teaches us greatly about what love is.
- He chooses to love us thus reaffirming that more than euphoria...its a choice
- His love for us is not easily shaken by our humanity because hes comitted.Love is comittment.
- His love is based on truth and the right emotions.. in his love there is no evil but blessing.
- His love only makes us better.real love should be about making each other better not worse.

and so much more..

As i walk this new beginning w God ive become more aware in him of those things.But most of all..his redemptive power is the source of my hope.I will get better in Him.

He has also showed me that..remember pride?
it keeps us away from Him the moment we let it guide all our actions.It creates a distance when it makes us give up instead of continuing to seek Christ no matter how hard we might falll.It keeps us from accepting love,fromm moving forward and even from faith.

something for all of us to consider..

Blessings!

Wainting on God

Wow! It was so hard but God was there all the time comforting me and putting my soul at ease.I waited and the answer came YAAAAAAAAAAAAY .So im starting over with a new beginning that I hope will be filled with his company and blessing.Please Lord help me in growing each day more closer to you and continue strenghening me to wait.



We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and
restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how
nature--trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars,
the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...We need silence
to be able to touch souls.

-- Mother Teresa



Theres so much more to hope for.So many lessons to learn so much growth to be done.I read this bible passage abouut living each day one by one without despairing for tomorrow and I tend to be very impatient.But whenever I acted on my impatience I would get in so much trouble.I need to stay still and hold on to him..and this time I held on to him and I didnt act on my impatience.

Once we let go of our pride we begin to flow with new eyes and fresh perspective..

His Love is Beautiful.Just needed to say it

Choosing Gratitude

Ive been going through a process lately in which I have been able to see God's love and have had to grow with the struggle that is to think and act with more holiness every day.So when I read this following quote I had to repost it cause thats what God's been teaching me.Even if right now my life is taking an unexpected direction choosing gratitude at all times helps us put our eyes back on him and is an attitude we gotta turn into a habit.Prase You Lord.

Gratitude takes our eyes off of ourselves and puts them back on the giver of all good things, even those things we perceive as bad or unpleasant. Most American families are drowning in abundance and as a result we have the most self absorbed culture ever. The gift of prosperity does not usher in the response of gratitude as one would imagine. Instead it feeds the roots of narcissism and entitlement. Children who tend to be selfish anyway must be trained in giving thanks. We as adults must discipline ourselves in gratitude. It is not natural. But it is necessary as believers if we are to please God and make any kind of impact on our culture. It is the antidote to insanity. It is the pathway to peace. It is the key to a gracious life. It is the doorway by which even unbelievers cope with the fragility of life because it acknowledges faith in the one who rules.” - Barbara Rainey



Isnt it wonderful?

Blessings =D

Jesus Loves Me

And thats all I need.

Nothing can separte you or me from his love.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39



Thank u Jesus! <3


Christian boook writer Joyce Meyer often recommends that we quote scripture out loud as a declaration of faith and as positive message to our lives.When our declarations are always positive an of faith our mind is even more persuaded to thoughts of goodness and holiness.


Blessings!